[Transcript of Episode 4: ‘I Tai-wan You!’ from
12/16/16]
INTRO
Welcome, I’m the
Conspiracy Man. In this series we’ll be blowing the lid off many of the world’s
biggest conspiracies that the man doesn’t want you to know about. I’m recording
here in my secret underground shelter where no-one can find me.
There was a big news
story recently after President Elect Donald J. Trump spoke on the phone with
the President of Taiwan, Tsai Ing-Wen (after she called him of course). This
was controversial because Taiwan is not internationally recognised as a
fully-fledged nation-state and this risked inflaming relations with China, whilst
many others, many in the liberal media, were also upset Trump spoke with the
leader of a non-existent country. An imagi-nation, if you will, like Lilliput
from Gulliver’s Travels or Wakanda and Latveria in Marvel Comics.
AN IMITATION NATION
And I have proof
Taiwan is not real – according to the United Nations there is no nation called
Taiwan. So, Donald Trump had a conversation with the leader of a country that is
just a figment of people’s imagination. Since Taiwan isn’t a real country maybe
this was some kind of crank call to Trump that he fell for. According to real
news reports on Facebook, the Taiwanese did ask Mr Trump whether his refrigeration
was running. Sources were unable to confirm if said refrigerator was indeed
running.
These mythical
Taiwanese are essentially the same as the Chinese – same culture, same
language, same cuisine. It’s like pretending Scotland or Wales or Ireland is a
real country. They aren’t. It even sounds made up – Thai-wan?
A WORLD OF OUR OWN
But why have a made-up
nation-state? The biggest advantage of a fake country is that it’s really easy
to declare a fake war against. Kind of like that movie Wag the Dog, with Dustin
Hoffman and Robert De Niro where to deflect a scandal they wage a fake war
against Albania, which apparently is a real country. Similar to how Bill
Clinton bombed Baghdad to deflect from the Lewinsky scandal.
Also, the United
States officially sells arms to the country of ‘Taiwan’. But this state doesn’t
exist, which must mean these arms sales are a front. There is precedent for
this – during the Reagan era, Colonel Oliver North used secret arms sales to
Iran to fund the right-wing rebel Contras in Nicaragua. So basically, Taiwan is
a front for the US to funnel arms to, I don’t know, the Ukrainians, or Islamic
State, or maybe Zionist groups like the Judean People’s Front. Or maybe it’s
just a way to make more profits for the military-industrial complex.
A lot of the shit I
own has ‘Made in Taiwan’ on it. Maybe it’s just a code for ‘China’ for people
unwilling to buy products ‘Made in China’. Or a cover for countries renowned
for poor quality manufacturing like Mexico, India, or Australia.
They do compete in
the Olympics, but as Chinese Taipei since the Communist Chinese would cry if
they marched as Taiwan. This is just a scam so the Chinese can field more
players in the table tennis and badminton and Greco-Roman wrestling. Anyway,
heaps of unrecognised countries and non-nations compete in the Olympics such as
Palestine, Guam, Puerto Rico and Kosovo so that means nothing. Sorry that last
one was a made-up joke name.
NEXT TIME
Provided I am not
taken out by the powers that be I shall return ... not as quick as I did this time though. What
deep conspiracy will I be blowing people (slight pause) away with? Well, let me
just say – untraceable, untestable poisonings. Scared – you should be?
Starring: Ben Dover
Written by: Iva Biggun
Edited by: Amanda Huggenkiss
Music by: Hugh Jass
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